I don't know what to call this.

What happens when days blend into nights?
And then that blends into weeks?
And you don't know what time it is.
Or how long you've been awake.

You don't know what to do to help you sleep,
you don't know if you WANT to sleep.
You don't remember how to sleep or if you can,
you're like a walking zombie at school.

Taking everything in, not talking to very many people.
Noticing all the details that no one ever notices.
Is that good or bad?
Details are good, but if you have to go to the lengths of
sleep deprivation to see them, is it a good thing?

Everyone knows you can't sleep,
but not very many people know why.
You're scared that if they knew why,
you'd have to talk about it.

You don't want to talk about it, to anyone. No one knows the secret of why you don't want to sleep. Why you can't sleep, no matter how tired you get. You don't know what to do. You want to get help, to be able to sleep, worried that you are an insomniac, worried that you're never going to drift into peaceful sleep again. Every time you sleep, his face, it haunts you. It shows you all the feelings that were combined. Show's you exactly what happened, even though you were not there yourself. Show's you what you were once thankful you didn't see. Until your dreams turn on you. You begin to be the one, heading feet first into water. You are the one that goes, when he's left behind. You don't know what to do.

Sleep, stay awake, talk about it.
You dread doing any choice.
You just wish it would end.
You just want to sleep.

I'm not sure. (not done yet)

1. You never believe anything that I tell you, and I wish you would.
2. I really want to give you a second chance, but how can you give someone a second chance,when they've let you down for 15 years straight? And how can you trust someone when all they do is lie? How do I even know if you're telling me the truth when you tell me you love me...
3. I miss you more than you could EVER know. No one knows what you meant to me. I miss hearing your voice, and I miss seeing your face every morning. I miss the "Whats up Brownie?" on the bus in the afternoon, and talking to you online. I was gonna come see you, to see how you were doing. I guess its too late..
4. You're my best friend no matter what happens. Even if I move to Mississippi, you will ALWAYS be my best friend, and you know damn good and well we'll find ways to hang out, or talk or something. Because you're one of the very very few people I trust in my life anymore.
5. I wish you'd come back home. I miss you so much, you've been my bestfriend since I was born. You taught me a lot of the things that I know, and I wish you never left. I love you.
6. I haven't know you that long, but I trust you like no other. Its insane. You came to my house for the first time, the first day we met. You're like my bestfriend. Man, you don't even fuckin know. We've had some of the best times together. haha. I love you face face. :P
7. You're the only one of my sisters that I actually care about, and that cares about me. Which I think is a really important thing. I miss you wayyyyy more than you think. You have no idea. I miss you and Chris, and Skylee more than anything. And I can't wait to see you think weekend. I'm so excited.
8. you've been my bestfriend since I was born. I don't care if you're part of the family, and you're like 40 somethin years old, I still consider you to be one of my bestfriends, and I love you.

Bet you didn't know Five Finger Death Punch pwns. :]

Favorite lyrics from songs by Five Finger Death Punch.


I want you to know, I want you to see
I want you to look beyond your own eyes
Past your afflictions
I want you to hurt, want you to bleed
I want you to look beyond your own face
Past your infections.


It's because of you I'm broken
It's because of you I'm dead inside
I never asked to be here
It's because of you I'm godforsaken
I never wanted this
It's because of you I'm dead inside


To the haters, the takers, the liars, all the vultures and the bottom feeding scum
The FCC, the FBI and every tin god with a badge and a gun
You talk and talk, you preach and bitch but your words don't mean a thing
You get what you give, you give what you get
Just the way it's always been


I choose death before dishonor
I'd rather die than live down on my knees
Bury me like a soldier, with my dignity!


You imitate the ostracized, put your head beneath the sand
Your cup it runneth over, must be rough to live so grand
You reap what you sew, you pay what you owe unless you bathe yourself in greed
You rob and you take, your world is fake
There's no honor amongst the thieves


It's days like this I wish that I, wish that I had stayed asleep
It's times like these that make it so difficult to be
The light at the end, the crack in the sky
there's no promise for release
No way for me to get away
And all I'm trying to do is breathe

It's not that complicated and you ain't gotta believe
They'll put me down in a hole before I let you succeed
I've never been complacent, I can't afford to be
I know you think you're special but you ain't nothin'


You monkey see, you monkey do
You're always doing what they tell you to
You're such a puppet on string
You don't get it!


I won't bow to something that I've never seen
I can't believe in something that doesn't believe in me
I'm not blood of your blood, I'm no son of your god
I've no faith in your fate
Still I find salvation

It's stranger than fiction
How you've decayed
It must be so lonely
Lost within your ways

You're born alone, you die alone
The rest is your's to fill the gap
The world goes on without you here
Adjust or just collapse

Is this what you wanted to be
Alone standing by yourself
Is this all you wanted to be
Or was that a cry for help
By yourself, by yourself, by yourself

It’s not enough
It’s not enough
It never was or will be
I never had the chance to thank you
FOR RIPPING OUT MY HEART

You’ve got a gun
I’ve got a gun
Let’s write a tragic ending

Bullet For My Valentine pwns.

On and on, although you're gone
Candles burn without a flame on
Our final call to you, I know you're listening
How could you leave us that way?
Where did you go



:|

MMT. <3

Mark Thomas. That kid can be the most best friend anyone could ever have. You're upset, he'd hug you, talk to you, whatever helps, he'd do it, he could make you laugh when you feel like breaking something, he could cheer you up in an instant when you felt like screaming until you pass out. He was an amazing person, that had a lot ahead of him, and a lot of people that care about him. He was the type of person that I could look forward to seeing everyday, and hanging out with. He was one of the very very few people that I felt extremely, and fully comfortable around, and I bet a lot of people feel the same way. Ever since 6th grade, I felt I could talk to him about anything and everything. I have, do, and always will consider him to be one of my bestfriends, and like a brother to me. We've had our bad times, but who doesn't? Markie is alive to so many people inside their heads, and their hearts. He always will be. No matter how long you've known him, or how close you were, you know how special of a person Markie was. He had an amazing future ahead of him, anyone could see that. He had an addicting personality. Which a lot of people envy, or are intimidated by. He would sometimes ask the questions that no one dared to ask.
Memories speak louder than words. They last longer than pictures. Even if you don't remember the small details, like what you were wearing, or what day it was, or where it was, it will always be important to you. It could make you smile, laugh, or even cry. And I know that we all have those kind of memories about Markie, and they will last forever. It will keep him alive inside us all.
Time heals. I'm sure some of us think we won't heal after this, but we will, maybe not fully, but we come to terms with this, we will accept this, but we will not forget. We will never forget.

We all love you Markie. We will miss you. Always. Rest in peace.



-Katie.

I don't want to write this.

Alright, so I really don't want to write this blog, but apparently its part of the class. Which in my opinion isn't the funnest thing in the world, but whatever. Although, I am allowed to write about how I don't want to write a blog, which I guess is better than writing about my vacation. Personally, I think writing blogs takes a lot of time, and I usually only do it if its about something important. Apparently... We only have to write for a few minutes. Just a few sentences. Well. I type faster than most, so a few minutes is going to be like a paragraph for me, which sucks, but whatever. I wonder if I'm even allowed to say sucks in these things. I really hope no one reads this, cause I'm really not as weird as I sound in this...


THE END.